Dealing With Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is very difficult to deal with on a day to day basis, especially if it’s severe, ever gets violent or if it is escalating, in which case it will definitely only continue to get worse. There are so many resources for women who are dealing with abuse and I will eventually add them to this site, but for now I’m not going to preach about getting help when I myself have failed to do so. There are many ways you can cope with the feelings which accompany abuse, and attempt to help the situation successfully, without using any resources at all, other than maybe a counselor or therapist. I suggest everyone go to counseling on a regular basis whether they have problems or not.

There are a number of mental issues which arise as a direct result of emotional abuse. The most common and difficult to deal with are depression and anxiety. Because the abuse is situational, often times taking antidepressants fail to help. I tried that many times throughout my marriage and one time it seemed to help but I also was drinking heavily. Some great techniques for coping with depression and anxiety are meditation, yoga, going to the gym for a workout, jogging  (which creates a runner’s high, sure to help depression) and I’ve always read that support groups are a fabulous way to help depression but, I myself have never tried one.

Support groups would undoubtedly make a huge difference with the abuse itself as well and I believe talking about it, similar to the effect of writing about it, to be a very constructive and positive coping skill. A group of women all getting together to share their experiences with each other and talk about their feelings, as well as to listen to others do the same, is an excellent way to take a positive step toward either fixing it through therapy, or leaving the marriage permanently. I think the biggest reason support groups work so well for so many people, is first of all, it’s a fantastic opportunity to sit around your peers and talk about the worst thing in your life. Talking about it is always very therapeutic. Second, it allows people to come together and feel like they aren’t alone. It provides camaraderie to the victim, something that is lacking in the abusive relationship.

The day I started this blog I made a new friend, a fellow WordPress blogger, who visited my blog and was thrilled to have found someone going through what she is going through. I’m assuming she hasn’t told any of the friends or family in her life about the prick she’s with, and I felt her pain as I read her story. I didn’t realize there was anyone in this world who didn’t know someone going through emotional or verbal abuse. I know quite a few people who do. On the other hand, I do have a degree in psychology and made it halfway through graduate school before being forced to drop out, so I am very privy to what constitutes emotional abuse, and it’s my belief that many people dealing with it don’t even realize it. That being said, I’d like to give a big shout out to my new friend C, I’m so glad you found my blog C and that I was able to help you in some way. Remember everything I told you, don’t let your life be thrown away thinking it will get better (it will only get worse, it never gets better) and wasting years and years on a largely unhappy relationship and life, it will only lead to increasing misery for you, believe me girl, the feelings of anger and resentment which I have ignored for so long, are blaring horns at me now. Based on conversation, it sounds as though you are quite young. Get out while you can C. I’m telling you, you will pat yourself on the back one day when you’re being treated like the princess that you are. You deserve so much better. I did as well, I just didn’t believe it at the time.

The last coping skill I would like to mention is one that I want to fervently stress to not use, because I did for six years of my life until not too long ago and it made all of my problems so much worse. It seems wonderful at the time, but it doesn’t continue being wonderful, it turns your life upside down and then before you know it, you’re in a hell you could never have imagined. I’m talking about drugs. It happened one time and I was hooked. If you are that unhappy and you put something in your mouth that makes you feel like you have been kissed by god himself followed by every one of his angels in heaven, you will never want that feeling to end, so you will continue using. I used methamphetamine. It was amazing. I was able to not think about my shitty life, and to get so much done. In fact, in 2013 I started my freelance writing business and began writing over eight to ten separate blogs, I was doing work for clients on occasion and, I continued writing the book I started in 2011, about OxyContin addiction, which is where my addiction began. I felt on top of the world. I was getting so much writing done that I felt good about myself again and had the confidence to do things outside the home.

Until my husband suspected I was using, and called CPS on me (we were separated). CPS tested me and I was positive for methamphetamine. I lost my three children, but even worse, my oldest two were so let down by me that it nearly broke my heart. It was the worst thing I have ever had to experience, watching as they walked out my front door carrying small suitcases and getting into the father’s car. I wanted to die. I wanted to end my life, right then and there. I thought my life was over. It took a long time to get better, and I’m still not 100% better, but I’m finally looking for a job again and will be a getting a place of my own once I do, I’m back with my kids and we have made a lot of progress in mending our relationships. It will never be the same, however. I will never forgive myself for what I put them through. All because I was too much of a fuckin pussy to stand up for myself and get out of the relationship permanently.

The point I’m making here is this: there are a lot of ways people use to cope with an abusive situation. That doesn’t mean every coping skill is a positive one, and some coping skills are downright dangerous and could potentially destroy your life for at least a period of time. Don’t do what I did. Even with my great education, I still made a very poor judgment call out of desperation. Please seek help if you are in an abusive relationship. Below are some links to resources as well as some articles which will help you find the strength to find freedom from your life of misery. Please, use them.

5 Ways to Get Your Power Back and End Emotional Abuse

Escaping Abusive Relationships

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 50 Obstacles to Leaving

Resources for Victims of Domestic Violence by State

National Domestic Violence Hotline – CHAT with someone here!

Break the Cycle (C, here you go girl, this is for women experiencing dating abuse)

Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence

Legal Resource Center on Violence Against Women — Legal Resources to help you leave

The National Domestic Violence Hotline — DV Survivors Speak Out About Law Enforcement Responses

 

Domestic Violence Survivors Speak About Law Enforcement Response Times

 

Please read my next post, which will be providing some important publications and materials for those of you (C!) who are considering leaving your abusive relationship. My purpose in starting this blog was to try and prevent others from making the same mistake I did by staying for so long. Please, if you need someone to talk to on a personal level, email me @ little_lulu@artlover.com and after doing so, I will gladly give you my personal phone number and you can either text me or call me.

Don’t stay thinking it will get better, I’m here to tell you that someone who is abusive has become abusive over a long period of time. It always gets worse, never better. Here is a document for you to download about this, and I hope you will because every little bit of information you acquire, you educate yourself with, makes you stronger——>. PDF File: Can Abusers Change?

I hope you will contact me if you even just need a little reassurance that you can do this. I am here for you. I care, believe me, I created this blog for you. I am your friend. I am Scared Gyrl. Thank you for reading.