It’s been 6.5 years since my husband and I split up in 2012 then legally separated a year later. Yet here I sit, trapped in the same old fucked up life I’ve been struggling to get away from, and had gotten away for nearly six years, since less than two years after we married.
…I kiss him softly on his lips before I leave the room momentarily to grab something from the kitchen. I turn to look at him before turning the corner to the hallway, and he smiles so big as he watches me walk all the way to the kitchen. Gone no more than sixty seconds, I walk back to the room and his door feels locked; I realize he locked me out on purpose; I must have taken too long in the kitchen. I lightly knock on his door. He opens it, only to have for me rage all over his face; his own eyes look angry..dark..dead…as if he has become someone else entirely…Continue reading Here I Go Again
I would like to highly recommend a book on domestic violence I recently finished which helped me realize how many types of emotional abuse there are, as well as to make me realize just how severe the abuse is I’ve been dealing with. Certainly a lot of domestic violence situations are much worse than the victim realizes or is willing to accept based on their current knowledge of what constitutes abuse. Continue reading Stop Bullying Me!
I need to apologize. In researching a post I’m working on this morning I happened upon a picture that was so disturbing I almost vomited. You notice this picture is the new background on this blog; it portrays a women having been beaten to the point of either being dead or unconscious, her husband dragging her out of the room, blood all over the floor. I was shook to the core at the thought of what that woman must have gone through (it was obviously a photo but in my mind I thought that exact scenario happens all the time). Then I realized it may have come across like I was negating the seriousness of physical domestic violence.
Physical abuse in a relationship is also emotionally damaging and I want to apologize to anyone who may have read my previous posts, and felt I was downplaying the effects physical violence has on a person. It absolutely is not not serious and I would never make light of the hell a person in a physically violent relationship experiences every single day. It would be an extremely difficult situation to be in for completely different set of reasons. The thought of women in a physically abusive relationship is something that really disturbs me. It is an issue very important to me. Being a sensitive, empathetic woman is very difficult at times, being that certain thoughts disturb me to the point of crying or being nauseated.
That being said, the reason I started this blog is because one day recently my husband made two comments about his emotional abuse of me which really upset and bothered me. Even more, it made me want to speak out. The first comment was:
Emotional abuse against someone who deserves it isn’t really abusive, but honest
The second was after we had a conversation regarding the definition of verbal and emotional abuse. He goes:
Look at all the things you have done to me over the years. You’ve had it so good, I can’t believe you think you’ve been abused. My God
Those were his words, verbatim. Putting me down all the time, making snide comments, threatening me, calling me names in front of our kids, pointing out my faults no matter how insignificant, bringing up my mistakes from the past at the most horrible of times, treating me like I’m not here or leaving with our children to go somewhere fun and leaving me at home (not that I would want to go anyway), hiding money from me and not allowing me to go grocery shopping… shall I go on? These are all forms of emotional abuse and believe me: that’s just a short list of the things you do, asshole.
Emotional abuse is simply an issue that is minimized in general in the United States, and it seems to me that people have stereotypes in regard to abuse. I merely want to focus on emotional abuse as a form of abuse that is not portrayed in the media, films, or television, nearly as much as physical abuse. But I absolutely know and am aware that all forms of domestic violence are unacceptable and should have equal legal consequences to an abuser.
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There are many different types of verbal and emotional abuse, all of which are damaging but some more so than others. A perfect example of this is silent treatment as opposed to name-calling or passive-aggressiveness. When I was a child, my dad regularly gave my brother and I the silent treatment in an effort to “punish” us when we had done something wrong. Naturally, the silent treatment is, in my opinion and I think most would agree, the least intrusive and hurtful form of emotional abuse.
Name-calling is pretty self-explanatory, and occurs when the abuser calls the victim names, of varying degrees of severity, including whore, slut, bitch, fucking cunt, stupid, and plenty of others. Passive-aggressiveness is a more subtle but equally damaging expression Continue reading Psychological Mind Games